In a Tizzy

Allegedly I am going to Europe tomorrow.

In the autumn, on a bit of a whim, I applied to a unique opportunity to study the Holocaust through a psychological lens. The application was free to submit and required some commitment to fill out but not so much that I felt obligated to go if given the opportunity. As a risk-averse individual with no noteworthy travel experience or history studies under my belt, I became a little more nervous when offered an interview for the course. I learned how intensive and challenging it might be, but also many inspiring aspects of it that would ensure it was a memorable and worthwhile experience. However, as a graduated student outside of the program’s scope by a year I was not certain I would receive an offer. After a great delay, I was told I would have to submit an appeal; I submitted the appeal and waited a bit longer.

Then the offer came.

I will not lie to you, reader friend, I cried. Not from joy, but from the sudden onset of fear that resulted from my general anxiety around decision-making and the weight that seemed to come with this particular decision. Days passed, but within hours of the allotted time to do so, I submitted my acceptance documents and pushed the reality of travelling to Poland to study a topic I knew little about from my mind.

In the last month and a half, wrap-up for my work and the dispersal of beloved colleagues commenced. I had by now been able to ask questions about the course and had physical evidence of the fact that I was going (currency, a bus ticket, and a gift for experts abroad); however, the distractions that come with saying good-bye and packing up one’s apartment allowed me to deny reality for just a bit longer.

Cue: Monday morning. It’s go time.

Goal: Move out by Saturday evening whilst managing to gain closure with team.

Tasks: Pack up entire apartment; mentally prepare for flying to Poland on Sunday; feel satisfied with time spent with colleague friends.

Accomplishments: Packing up entire apartment; moving out by Saturday afternoon.

Still to do: Feel satisfied with time spent with colleague friends; feel mentally prepared for flying to Poland.

I anticipate the next series of posts will be a flurry of reflections that I haven’t processed from the past year as well as personal observations and teachings as I move through the journey of this course. Thank-you to anyone who has been a part of me getting to this very scary but (so I’ve been told) also very exciting place. Some of you pushed me to the end of the application and some of you will help me to the airport. More of you will certainly help carry me through the next several weeks.